“Easing your foot off the pedal”
This write-up is borne out of a mixture of personal experience, prevailing truths and the experience of others. If it doesn’t align totally with your reality, you can use this article to see from a different lens. Assuredly, there will always be a convergence someway, somehow.
As life would have it, it is an uphill task to let go of something you are really in love with it or what you derive value or pleasure from. That is primarily where the science of addiction comes in. Mind you, addiction is not always negative. It takes a whole lot to break free when addiction comes to play. Quite a number visit the mountains, undergo special therapy, and even use unorthodox methods for the addictions that are on the wrong side.
It is much more technical and complex when the subject of discourse becomes inter-human. Relationship building varies from person to person and verily, it takes a lot of time. A piecewise, resource-consuming process which no one is sure of its end. Just the past and present status available for analysis. One major fact to always note is that relationships are transient. In simpler terms, they are highly mutable. Relationships in this context aren’t just referring to “romantic relationships”. It covers the general human-human interaction from the lowest level to the highest level it can ever get. You can mean the whole world to someone now and then the next minute, you are sitting by the trash can, waiting for the waste disposal bus to pick you up. Crazy right?
The scenario above is a worst-case scenario by the way. As we move up life’s ladder, our social and economic realities begin to differ from one another. In whatever strata we find ourselves in, we start to build again until another full moon of ubiquitous change occurs. You must first come to the agreement that life happens. Life creates unbalanced changes. It is not like your primary school that automatically promotes everyone from crèche to the next class. For some, the movement can be quite slow, while for others, it is super-fast.
In a case where you have someone with common grounds in a particular stratum, the dynamics can change when the seesaw is tilted. This should not be mistaken as a party being proud. The priorities of both partners are not the same anymore. Their schedules and philosophy would change as a result of exposure, level of knowledge and the social capital available. At this point, the expectation bar is kept low. This is the time to become adaptable and go with the flow. You no longer can demand time and attention like before. This is the time to let go and embrace the new normal life has brought. Sometimes, it might need that you progress from everyday chatting to “WhatsApp status” viewers, and just send a chuckling emoji the day you finally find something funny. That is the work of time.
Another instance where you have to let go is finding love in a non-mutual environment. More often than not, it is a wild goose chase. Although there can be outliers in this respect, it still holds for the majority. Once you are not liked by the other party, do not invest yourself too much with the hope that things can just miraculously change. Emotion wise, it is a hard thing to do, however, it would save you a lot when you look at it critically. The bulk of resources spent on trying to impress would later turn to regrets when the final dagger is forgotten in the left lungs after piercing through.
Abusive relationships are ugly things that rear out its head in times like this. The hope that the abuser will change is the fuel that would keep burning until your ghost walks out of you and leaves your body battered and bruised in that predicament. It doesn’t even have to materialize. Once you see the tendencies, regardless of what is at stake, you should let go. The abuser should seek help externally, not with you as a punching bag. You must be able to look beyond material things to properly ascertain your stay.
Letting people go doesn’t essentially mean cutting off ties completely. It just means that you are not putting them on the same pedestal you used to as a result of prevailing circumstances. Most times, we miss these people and wish they were still there, but we have to move on.
It is my honest advice that letting people go should be done with maturity. Others prefer to say nothing and let everything die a natural death. On a personal note, I like to be sure of things. I want to know that you have moved and it is difficult to keep up. Quite better than leaving the other party in the dark. They might feel hurt, but then it is better in the long run.
We heal to get hurt again.
That’s why you should let it go!